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/ Monster Media 1996 #14 / Monster Media No. 14 (April 1996) (Monster Media, Inc.).ISO / wildcat / jokedoor.zip / JOKE.WCX (.txt) < prev    next >
Wildcat! WCX  |  1996-01-10  |  9KB  |  270 lines
  1. '! Decompiled with wccNosy version 4.20f (freeware)
  2. '! Input File: in.wcx  9417 bytes  01/28/123  10:06:40pm
  3. '! Code Segment Size  :2306 bytes
  4. '! Data Segment Size  :4514 bytes
  5. '! String Segment Size:7111 bytes
  6. '! Compiled with WCC version 4.10
  7.  
  8.       Dim s4463 As String*1
  9.       Dim s4468 As String*43
  10.       Dim s4511 As String*1
  11.       Dim b4512 As Byte
  12.       Dim b4513 As Byte
  13.  
  14.       Dim s65535_ As String*1
  15.  
  16.       GoSub 46
  17.    46 Print "@NOPAUSE@"
  18.       Do
  19.    55   Print "@CLS@@0F@                                                   ┌─┐ "
  20.         Print "@0F@                          @07@T@0F@h@07@e                     @0F@┌┘ │"
  21.         Print " @0F@                                          ┌───┐ ┌┘  │"
  22.         Print "@0F@             @07@┌─────────┐                   @0F@│   │┌┘   │"
  23.         Print "@0F@             @07@└─────┐   │    @0F@▄▄@7F@▀@0F@▀▀▀@7F@▀▄▄@78@▀@07@▄@08@▄   @0F@│   └┘   ┌┘    ┌─────┬─┐"
  24.         Print "@0F@                   @07@└┐  │  @0F@▄@7F@▀@07@▀        @0F@▀@7F@▄@07@█@78@▀@08@▄ @0F@│        │     │     │ │"
  25.         Print "@0F@                    @07@│  │  @7F@▌@07@▌   @0F@▄@7F@▀▀▄@07@▄  @0F@▐@7F@▌@07@█@78@▐@08@▌@0F@│       ┌┘     │    ┌┴┬┘"
  26.         Print "@0F@                   @07@┌┘  │  █ @0D@▄█@0F@▐@7F@▌@07@█@78@▐@0F@▐@7F@▌@07@▌@0D@▄▌@0F@█@7F@ @07@█@08@█@0F@│    ──┬┘      │   ─┼─┘"
  27.         Print "@0F@                  @07@┌┘   │  @7F@▌@07@▌@0D@▒▓▌@0F@▀@7F@▄▄▀@07@▀@0D@▄▒@0F@▐@7F@▌@07@█@78@▐@08@▌@0F@│  ┌─┐ └─┐     │    └──┐"
  28.         Print "@0F@              @07@┌───┘   ┌┘  @0F@▀@7F@▄@07@▄@0D@▀░██▓▓▓▀@0F@▄@7F@▀ @78@▄@08@▀ @0F@│ ┌┘ └┐  └─┐   │     ┌┐│"
  29.         Print "@0F@             @07@┌┘      ┌┘     @0F@▀▀@7F@▄@0F@▄▄▄▄@7F@▀▀@78@▄@07@▀@08@▀   @0F@└─┘   └┐   │   └────┐├┴┘     "
  30.         Print "@0F@             @07@└───────┘                            @0F@└───┘        └┘"
  31.         Print "@0F@                                         Do@07@o@08@R"
  32.         Print "@08@            Written by: Antje Darling - Another Brick In The Wall -"
  33.         Print "@08@                                (4o5)355-4159                        "
  34.         Delay 1
  35.         Print "@NOPAUSE@                  @0F@ Registered to -= @85@UNREGISTERED@0F@ =-"
  36.         Print ""
  37.         Print "     @0D@   [S]hort Jokes - General               [J]okes - General"
  38.         Print "        [F]unny Quotes and Sayings            [A] Q & A Jokes"
  39.         Print "        [Q]uit back to @BBS@"
  40.         Print "                @08@These Jokes are not ment to offend anybody!"
  41.         Print "@0D@                            Pick one >>"
  42.         b4512 = 22
  43.         b4513 = 40
  44.         Locate b4512, b4513
  45.         Print s4463;
  46.         s4468 = "Would you like to see more [Y/N]?"
  47.         Do
  48.   309     s4463 = UCase(InKey(1213417543))
  49.         Loop Until s4463 > ""
  50.         s65535_ = s4463
  51.         If s65535_ = "F" Then
  52.           Cls 
  53.           Print ""
  54.           Print ""
  55.           Print " Rodney Dangerfield Quotes: "
  56.           Print ""
  57.           Print "@0E@My mother had morning sickness after I was born...."
  58.           Print ""
  59.           Print "@0D@------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  60.           Print ""
  61.           Print "@0E@I worked in a pet store and people kept asking me how big I'd get."
  62.           Print ""
  63.           Print "@0D@------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  64.           Print ""
  65.           Print "@0E@My mother never breast fed me, she told me that she only liked"
  66.           Print "me as a friend."
  67.           Print ""
  68.           Print "@0D@------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  69.           Print ""
  70.           Print s4468
  71.           Input s4511
  72.           If UCase(s4511) = "N" Then
  73.             Print "Please ask your Sysop to register this program"
  74.             Delay 3
  75.             GoTo 46
  76.           Else
  77.   601       Print "@CLS@"
  78.             Print ""
  79.             Print "@0E@One year they wanted to make me poster boy... for birth control."
  80.             Print ""
  81.             Print "@0D@-------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  82.             Print ""
  83.             Print "@0E@I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my "
  84.             Print "finger to my father.... He said he wanted more proof!"
  85.             Print ""
  86.             Print "@0D@-------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  87.             Print ""
  88.             Print "@0E@For two hours.. some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper."
  89.             Print ""
  90.             Print "@0D@-------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  91.             Print ""
  92.             Print "@0E@I met the surgeon general... He offered me a cigarette!"
  93.             Print ""
  94.             Print "@0D@-------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  95.           End If
  96.   763     Print s4468
  97.           Input s4511
  98.           If UCase(s4511) = "Y" Then
  99.             Print "That's all folks! Please ask your sysop to register this program."
  100.             Delay 2
  101.           End If
  102.   820   Else
  103.   826     If s65535_ = "S" Then
  104.             Print "@CLS@"
  105.             Print ""
  106.             Print "@0E@Man: God, why did you make women so soft and nice?"
  107.             Print "God: So you'd like them."
  108.             Print "Man: God, why did you make women so, y'know, beautiful?"
  109.             Print "God: So you'd like them."
  110.             Print "Man: God, then why'd you make women so STUPID?"
  111.             Print "God: So they'd like YOU!"
  112.             Print ""
  113.             Print "@0D@-----------------------------------------------------------------------"
  114.             Print ""
  115.             Print s4468
  116.             Input s4511
  117.             If UCase(s4511) = "N" Then
  118.               Print "Please ask your Sysop to register this program"
  119.               Delay 2
  120.               GoTo 46
  121.             Else
  122.  1013         Print "@CLS@"
  123.               Print ""
  124.               Print "@0E@What's the definition of the perfect wife?"
  125.               Print "A mute nymphomaniac that owns a liquor store."
  126.               Print ""
  127.               Print "@0D@------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  128.               Print ""
  129.               Print "@0E@Bigamist:  A Man Who Makes The Same Mistake Twice."
  130.               Print ""
  131.               Print "@0D@--------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  132.               Print ""
  133.               Print "@0E@Bigamist:  A Man Who Loves Not Wisely But Two Well."
  134.               Print ""
  135.               Print "@0D@-------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  136.               Print ""
  137.             End If
  138.  1148       Print s4468
  139.             Input s4511
  140.             If UCase(s4511) = "Y" Then
  141.               Print "That's all folks! Please ask your sysop to register this program."
  142.               Delay 2
  143.             End If
  144.  1205     Else
  145.  1211       If s65535_ = "J" Then
  146.               Print "@CLS@"
  147.               Print ""
  148.               Print "@0E@Remember when safe sex was not getting caught in the act?"
  149.               Print ""
  150.               Print "@0D@------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  151.               Print ""
  152.               Print "@0E@You just might be a Redneck if... Your family tree doesn't fork."
  153.               Print ""
  154.               Print "@0D@------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  155.               Print ""
  156.               Print "@0E@You just might be a Redneck if... Your dog and your wallet are both on"
  157.               Print "a chain."
  158.               Print ""
  159.               Print "@0D@------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  160.               Print ""
  161.               Print "@0E@You just might be a Redneck if... Your brother-in-Law is also your uncle"
  162.               Print ""
  163.               Print "@0D@------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  164.               Print s4468
  165.               Input s4511
  166.               If UCase(s4511) = "N" Then
  167.                 Print "Please ask your Sysop to register this program"
  168.                 Delay 3
  169.                 GoTo 46
  170.               Else
  171.  1461           Print "@CLS@"
  172.                 Print ""
  173.                 Print "@0D@------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  174.                 Print ""
  175.                 Print "@0E@                         The Definition of STRESS:"
  176.                 Print ""
  177.                 Print "                          That confusion created"
  178.                 Print "                              when one's mind"
  179.                 Print "                           overrides the body's"
  180.                 Print "                              basic desire to"
  181.                 Print "                           choke the living sh++"
  182.                 Print "                          out of some ass++++ who"
  183.                 Print "                           desperately needs it!"
  184.                 Print ""
  185.                 Print "@0D@--------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  186.               End If
  187.  1596         Print s4468
  188.               Input s4511
  189.               If UCase(s4511) = "N" Then
  190.                 Print "Please ask your Sysop to register this program"
  191.                 Delay 3
  192.                 GoTo 46
  193.               Else
  194.  1665           Print "@CLS@"
  195.                 Print ""
  196.                 Print "@0E@A man came home and his wife came running up and said: Honey, my sewing"
  197.                 Print "machine broke, can you fix it?"
  198.                 Print "He replied: Who do I look like, Mr. Singer?!!"
  199.                 Print "The next day he came home and his wife met him at the door and said: Honey, "
  200.                 Print "my Vac Cleaner broke, can you fix it?"
  201.                 Print "He replied: Who do I look like, Mr. Hoover?!!"
  202.                 Print "The next day the man came home and his wife said: Honey, a nice man cam by and"
  203.                 Print "fixed the Vac and the sewing machine...He said I could either bake him a cake "
  204.                 Print "or sleep with him."
  205.                 Print "The man replied: What kind of cake did you bake?"
  206.                 Print "She replied: Who do I look like, BETTY CROCKER?!!"
  207.                 Print ""
  208.                 Print "@0D@---------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  209.               End If
  210.  1800         Print s4468
  211.               Input s4511
  212.               If UCase(s4511) = "Y" Then
  213.                 Print "That's all folks! Please ask your sysop to register this program."
  214.                 Delay 2
  215.               End If
  216.  1857       Else
  217.  1863         If s65535_ = "A" Then
  218.                 Print "@CLS@"
  219.                 Print ""
  220.                 Print "@0E@Q: How do you confuse a blonde?"
  221.                 Print "A: Give her a pack of M&M's and tell her to put them in alphabetical order."
  222.                 Print ""
  223.                 Print "@0D@------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  224.                 Print ""
  225.                 Print "@0E@Q: What's another name for pickled bred?"
  226.                 Print "A: Dill-dough."
  227.                 Print ""
  228.                 Print "@0D@--------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  229.                 Print ""
  230.                 Print "@0E@Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?"
  231.                 Print "A: K9P"
  232.                 Print ""
  233.                 Print "@0D@--------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  234.                 Print ""
  235.                 Print s4468
  236.                 Input s4511
  237.                 If UCase(s4511) = "N" Then
  238.                   Print "Please ask your Sysop to register this program."
  239.                   Delay 3
  240.                   GoTo 46
  241.                 Else
  242.  2104             Print "@CLS@"
  243.                   Print ""
  244.                   Print "@0E@Q: How come Dolly Pardon has such small feet? "
  245.                   Print "A: Things don't grow well in the shade."
  246.                   Print ""
  247.                   Print "@0D@---------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  248.                   Print "@0E@Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian mummie and a vampire?"
  249.                   Print "A: A flying bandaid."
  250.                   Print ""
  251.                   Print "@0D@----------------------------------------------------------------------------"
  252.                 End If
  253.  2194           Print s4468
  254.                 Input s4511
  255.                 If UCase(s4511) = "Y" Then
  256.                   Print "That's all folks! Please ask your sysop to register this program."
  257.                   Delay 2
  258.                 End If
  259.  2251         Else
  260.  2257           If s65535_ = "Q" Then
  261.                   End 
  262.                 Else
  263.  2283             Print "You pushed the wrong button"
  264.                 End If
  265.               End If
  266.             End If
  267.           End If
  268.         End If
  269.  2292 Loop
  270.